Section 76

In class today I felt a bit frustrated!
I sometimes get in this mood of deep intellectual thinking that overwhelms me with questions. I understand that I won't understand the complete gospel now, or even later but I can't exactly "put it on the shelf" for later if I don't know as much as I can now. Also, we claim to have the full and everlasting gospel, but how can I feel confident in sharing it if, I myself, don't embrace it. I guess I'm growing to the conclusion that the gospel cannot be understood now by my human mind and that's why it's everlasting... because I'll always be learning. However, where is the fullness and wholeness I am supposed to feel? In the Bible it mentions of being perfected in Christ, or in other words feeling whole.
I know I can feel this "wholeness" with hope--since it is the antidote to despair. But, then I feel like I'm just pushing away a chance of research and reflection. I don't know what I'm asking for since I am okay with not knowing everything. I suppose I cannot stand breathing in so much ambiguity or what seems to be ambiguous all at once.
When I get these questions, I don't doubt the church, but my ability to get answers. I have a strong faith, but I can easily see how some of my questions could possibly discourage others to fully accept the gospel. I don't believe there is a limit or boundary set by what questions to I propose, but how long I linger on them. I see that when my wondering contradicts with other principles I become too puzzled.
In class we started discussing the degrees of glories and the life after the afterlife. I don't intend on comprehending this much, and maybe that is why Joseph Smith (along with many others) were commanded not to record all they knew. BUT, our discussion on the promised blessings, washings and anointing just threw me off.
After class, Lucy and I spoke for a small moment. I did not know what questions to ask because there was too much to think about. Right as I exited Dr. H's class, I told him "I am soooo confused."
He replied, "that's good."
I immediately understood what he meant but didn't want to process or accept it. Part of learning is knowing that you won't learn everything. I can better understand Dr. H's comment in class when he said that he knows less now than he has his entire life.
I know I can get caught up on my questions, or I can accept them as they are. I know that I will later receive more answers, when I'm ready.
I guess I shouldn't worry about not understanding because God knows when I will be ready to accept and comprehend the truths entirely.
Even the Saints had a hard time understanding this revelation. I can only imagine how Joseph Smith must have felt about the gospel while he was confused. I can only imagine how it felt to finally understand everything little by little, and even then he didn't know everything. I am grateful that I have my entire existence to keep absorbing information.
All I know is that I will be cleansed of my sins and I'll follow the righteous path to be exalted with my family.